Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
