sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
