I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
