No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
