I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
