He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
