My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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