btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
