It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
