You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i dont even know how to be here
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
