We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
3pm strippers are depressing
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
