she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
