i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
