I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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