Sorry, I don't speak sober.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
