Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize