Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
