you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
