what day is it and did you see me today?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
