I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
