Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I believe in your delicious
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
