So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
