my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
