why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
