I just made out with a guy for $7.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
