she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
