it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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