I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize