I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
