I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
