Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
