There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
