i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
