If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
