i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
