I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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