Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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