Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
