is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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