They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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