I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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