I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
