I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
