At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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