i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
