She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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