Where did you get a picture of my penis
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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