Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
