i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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