Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
