she was so not down for the gang bang
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
