I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
...so i touched it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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