Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
