hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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