On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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