I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
