The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
