In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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