didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
