she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
