If i come over, it means nothing
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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