Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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