Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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