Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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