Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
