he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize