U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
