my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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