why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
