i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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