Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize