Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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