Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
