You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
