I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am midnight drunk by noon
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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