Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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