I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
