I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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