chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
