there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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