tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
