Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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