I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
