I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize