I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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