I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
