be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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